Don't just lay there and die
Chaturatma : I didn't see Srila Prabhupada again until one month before his departure in Vrindavan. I think any devotee who was there at the time can attest to the fact that the Srila Prabhupada we saw then, was not the Srila Prabhupada we knew. The last time I saw Srila Prabhupada he was robust, full body and then when he came to Vrindavan it was in his final eight weeks on the planet and he was completely withdrawn. It was really a shock to me. The thing that really stuck with me was that Prabhupada still wanted to come for darshan of the deities. He could still be brought out at that time and the devotees would dance. Prabhupada took such great pleasure in that and to me that was a real lesson. Prabhupada said many times, "Don't think this won't happen to you." But as it was happening he was still relishing devotional service, coming and seeing the deities, hearing the kirtan, seeing his disciples dance. These were the things that were important to him. They would take him around in a chair to circumambulate the deities. Shortly thereafter, two things happened. I got malaria and didn't get out of the room I think for a week or two. And then when I did recover from that, Prabhupada was completely bed ridden. I didn't get any opportunities to see him except one morning I was called in for doing the 'quiet kirtan'. Hamsaduta Prabhu was leading at the time and here was Prabhupada laid out, but still he was speaking the Bhagavatam giving instructions. We have all seen these tapes which are heart wrenching when you see them but here is Prabhupada preparing to leave this planet but he's still preaching to us; still giving it to us, still knowing it's what we needed and had to have in his example of an acharya and teaching us, "Don't just lay there and die", drugged up or whatever, but "grasp on to Krishna and give Krishna." This is what he was doing all the way to the end. Unfortunately I didn't have the mature foresight to stay. I left Vrindavan at that time and went back to America before Prabhupada departed. That was my little bit of realization from being there close to Prabhupada; just hold on to Krishna even at the very end.
Reference: Memories Anecdotes of a Modern Day Saint - Volume 4 by Siddhanta Dasa
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