September 19, 1974 : Vrindavan

Ramesvara: In 1974, I was reporting to Bali Mardan and to Srila Prabhupada, as there were some issues at that time where I didn't feel comfortable with the requests that I was getting out of our New York branch of the BBT. It got to such a discomfort level that I wrote a letter to Srila Prabhupada stating that I couldn't follow the orders I was getting. I knew that it was my duty to follow these directions but I told Prabhupada that I thought they would negatively affect BBT money and that I would have to resign. I didn't realize that some other senior devotees had written to Srila Prabhupada and were discussing this situation.

Prabhupada wrote back saying, "We'll discuss your situation at the Mayapur festival in 1975, but I hope by then that you will come to your sound condition of mind because this request to resign is insane." Prabhupada wrote, "There is no such thing in spiritual life as resignation. Once having surrendered, it can never be withdrawn." I'll never forget those words. Only one other time did I fail to follow that statement to my great regret. Since that time, by Prabhupada's mercy, I've been slightly reawakened from my comatose condition and I am able to pray that he'll let me serve him again. Now I am trying to repent. I fully regret it and I'm begging for him to let me come back and serve him again. But that is the order; "Once having surrendered it can never be withdrawn."