I was wondering how you could stay away

Govinda dasi : In Boston Gaurasundar was constantly asking about the gayatri mantra. Srila Prabhupada was actually not that keen on giving the gayatri mantra. He didn’t think it was that important. He was more interested in our learning to chant Hare Krishna and follow the principles. Gaurasundar was very scholarly as was Pradyumna and a few others, so he decided to give them the gayatri mantra. I met Gaurasundar on the street and he was excited to the point that he shaved off all his hair for the second initiation. I was surprised but disappointed that Prabhupada was not going to give it to the women as well. I felt a little left out. He did, however, have a separate ceremony for the ladies the following evening. But at the time when the men were getting their gayatri mantra, I did feel a little left out. When everyone got ready to go to the temple for the fire sacrifice, I decided I’d stay home. Maybe I might have been sulking as it was my nature at that time to sometimes sulk. I’m embarrassed. I don’t know how to put it any other way. I was young.

They went off to the temple and I sat at home and sulked for a few minutes and then I said to myself, “What am I doing? This is ridiculous. I’m missing out on hearing Prabhupada speak.” I loved to hear him speak. I could listen to him speak for hours at a time. I could be completely disconnected from the material existence while Srila Prabhupada was speaking. I was completely focused and it was completely blissful. You got the experience of sat-chit-ananda, eternity, bliss, and knowledge during that time. So then I thought, “I’m missing out on something I love just because of my stupid mind.” I went running down the street and ran all the way to the temple, which was quite a long way, perhaps eight or nine blocks. I came bursting in the door and bowed down, and Swamiji at that time said, “Ah! I was just thinking where is that girl? And now Krishna has sent.” He said, “I was wondering how you could stay away. You love to hear me speak so much.” So I swallowed my stupid pride and enjoyed the ceremony. The next evening he gave the women a similar ceremony with the gayatri initiation, which seems to have taken on a huge importance these days, but at the time it wasn’t much of a concern to Prabhupada.