So you wish to remarry?
Manmohini : I was the first widow in the movement and because of that I was called in for a personal darshan with Srila Prabhupada. Now, I have to give some background information for this to make sense. I joined the movement in my teens with my younger brother, got married after eight months, opened different temples with my then husband, and had a daughter. Then he fell away from devotional service, left the movement, and then left his body. I wanted to know if I was prohibited to ever remarry and have more children. My daughter was about two years old and I was just in my early twenties. I didn't know what was expected of me, so I asked. Nobody wanted to be the person who told Srila Prabhupada what happened. But finally his servant, Srutakirti, did tell Srila Prabhupada that the widow wants to remarry. It didn't look very good for me, but before I knew it, I was called in for a darshan in Srila Prabhupada's quarters in Los Angeles. I was terrified. I said, "I'm not going." My brother said, "I'll go with you." We formulated a plan while running around finding a babysitter for my daughter Nimai and getting ready to go up to his quarters. The plan was that if things were looking bleak for me, I would give him a nudge or a sign and he would explain to Srila Prabhupada, "My sister feels like she needs to remarry for protection." This was our plan, like we were thinking we could control the situation or possibly manipulate it. We went running upstairs, and before we even got into his quarters standing at his doorway, Prabhupada said, "So you wish to remarry?" I was terrified. I said in a voice I could barely recognize, "Not right away, Srila Prabhupada. I just wanted to know if I would be forbidden." He said, "Forbidden? I will not forbid you. But you are asking my opinion?" What could I say to that? "No thanks, I'll pass." I said, "Yes, Srila Prabhupada." He said, "Don't do it." By this time we all sat down. It was my brother, Srutakirti and me. We were all alone in his quarters. He began to say, "What is your guarantee the next one will be any different? In this age the women aren't trained in chastity, the men aren't trained in dharma. What is your guarantee the next one will be different?" Jokingly he said, "Can he give you a written guarantee?" Then he said, "Krishna has already given you one child. Marriage is for union for children. You already have one child. Give all your love to that child." He said a lot of other things and I don't remember exactly, but at some point I must have given my brother the nudge, because he said, "Srila Prabhupada, my sister feels like she needs to remarry for protection." Prabhupada's eyes got really big and he said, "You are not protected?" To me, "You are not protected?" To my brother, "You are not protected?" To Srutakirti, "You are not protected?" He said, "Just see, there is no faith." And he went on to explain how in relation to Krishna we are all prakrirti. Krishna is the only purusha. A man cannot actually protect his wife. He can't protect her from old age, disease, or death. Krishna is our only protection. He was speaking the philosophy. It was a little lofty because we were new devotees. I could see in the eyes of the other two it was like, "Whoa," and this was what he was saying to us. Then my brother recited some Sanskrit and he said, "Srila Prabhupada, I will protect her. I am her brother." Srila Prabhupada said, "Very nice." During this time I really didn't look up much because I was so terrified. I looked down most of the time. I looked up once and I remember Prabhupada was sitting behind his desk and the sun was shining in the window and his beautiful, round soft head was effulgent and golden. His voice was as if it was coming from ages ago. I felt like a fly. I felt so insignificant and soiled. I was absolutely terrified. So he didn't say much to me because I didn't look up. But as we were leaving he said something and all three of us turned around. Prabhupada only looked at and spoke to me. He said, "Read the books. I have written so many books. All day long I read, I write, I chant, I take bath. You do like this." And he said it with such compassion and love. I said, "Yes Srila Prabhupada." And that was the end of it and we walked down the stairs. Since I became the first widow, other people were speculating you can't do that, you should do this; but after my time with Prabhupada I could say, "Oh no, no, no. Prabhupada didn't tell me that. Prabhupada told me this." Really nobody knew what was said, but I had the personal darshan.
Reference: Memories Anecdotes of a Modern Day Saint - Volume 4 by Siddhanta Dasa
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