All of your disciples have so much love for you

Later in the day, Vishnujana observes Srutakirti chanting japa alone and takes the opportunity to associate with Srila Prabhupada's servant. They had seen each other when Prabhupada was in New York but they didn't have a chance to speak. Srutakirti had left the Road Show to travel as Srila Prabhupada's personal servant and they haven't seen each other since then. After offering obeisances to each other, Vishnujana asks how Srutakirti is doing in his new service. Srutakirti confesses that he doesn't feel at all qualified for the position. "I just wish I had as much love for Prabhupada as all the other devotees. Actually, that's what I told Srila Prabhupada this morning." "Really?" Vishnujana Swami's eyes open wide, his mind fixed on every word. "Yeah. One of the amazing experiences is walking behind His Divine Grace as he leaves the airplane and enters the terminal building for his grand entrance, like when we landed in Los Angeles a few weeks back." After the seat belt sign went on instructing the passengers to stay seated, he got out of his seat, went to the bathroom and put on tilak. An attendant tried to stop him, but he ignored her request as if he didn't hear her. I accompanied him and waited outside the bathroom door. The walk to and from our seats was exciting as the plane lumbered in for a landing. He returned to his seat and carefully hung his bead bag around his neck. When the plane landed, he put a flower garland on. 'As we left the plane and entered the corridor, I could hear the devotees' chanting in the background. It grew louder and louder as we entered the Arrivals Lounge. Srila Prabhupada's smile grew larger as he approached his loving disciples.' On that day, there were several hundred devotees in the airport as he walked into the terminal. They were oblivious to everyone and everything going on around them, except for their glorious spiritual master. "I have no qualification to describe the feelings of my godbrothers and godsisters because I've never been fortunate enough to have such strong loving emotions for Srila Prabhupada. It was obvious to everyone in the airport that devotees were feeling transcendental bliss. The loving reciprocation between Prabhupada and his disciples was the easiest to see in his 'airport lilas.' For several minutes it seemed that no one's feet touched the ground. Torrents of ecstatic tears flowed freely from everyone except for one fallen soul - me."

Vishnujana Swami shakes his head as if to disagree with this last statement. "We arrived in New Dwaraka and entered Prabhupada's quarters at about noon. I immediately prepared for his massage. During the massage my mind was very disturbed. I couldn't free myself from the pain of thinking that everyone had such love for their guru, except for me. I was a cheater, an impostor. I finally got the courage to speak while massaging his back. This way, I didn't have to speak to him face to face. 'Srila Prabhupada,' I said, 'All of your disciples have so much love for you. It makes me feel so bad. I lack this intense love. When I'm with you at the airport, I can see everyone dancing, chanting, and crying. I have so much association with you, yet I don't feel this overwhelming love like they do.' " I hoped he would say something to relieve my mind. He remained silent. Tormented, I finished his massage and went back to my room to finish preparing his lunch. After he chanted Gayatri he called me into his room. "I entered, offered my obeisances, and looked up with great concern because he had such a serious look on his face. 'So, do you like serving me?' he asked. 'Oh, yes, Prabhupada, I like serving you very much.' 'Then, that is love,' he explained. 'Everyone can do so many things: singing, dancing, jumping up and down. But you are actually doing something. Isn't this love?' "I said, 'I guess so, Srila Prabhupada.' 'So, you just do your service. That is all that is necessary. This is what love means - to do service.' "Prabhupada is so compassionate. I pray that one day I'll be qualified to taste just one drop of Krishna prema so that I can also sing, dance and chant like the real devotees." Vishnujana remains deep in thought after hearing Srutakirti reveal his heart in confidence. A few moments pass. He mentions that he has just returned from Laguna Beach. "They have a family atmosphere and follow a simple diet; no rich foods including no sugar or ghee." "Yeah, we had a similar experience the last time Prabhupada took a one-day trip to Laguna Beach."

Srutakirti automatically launches into another Prabhupada lila. "That evening he asked for hot milk. I was unable to find sugar in the temple kitchen, so I sweetened the milk with honey. " Sometimes, Prabhupada asks to have his milk sweetened with honey, but not on this evening. When I brought the milk, he tasted it and immediately asked, 'Why it is not sweetened with sugar?' 'They don't have any sugar in this temple,' I said. 'How can that be?' he asked in an angry mood. "I explained, 'Some devotees think that white sugar is not healthy and that it is better to avoid it.' He said, 'That's fine. If they don't want to eat sugar, they don't have to. But, Krishna likes sugar very much. This is nonsense. They must use sugar when they make preparations for the Deities.'" "Exactly," Vishnujana Swami exclaims, "We're preparing everything for Their pleasure. If we're cooking for our own taste then we've lost that connection with devotional service, and our offering just becomes a ritual. Gradually, it becomes an empty ritual because we're simply cooking for ourselves. So we never develop Krishna consciousness." "Right," Srutakirti concurs. "That reminds me of what happened in New Zealand."

He is full of Prabhupada nectar, and that's why devotees enjoy his association so much. "Before Srila Prabhupada came to the temple in Auckland, Siddha Swarupa Maharaja and Tusta Krishna Maharaja moved the devotees out of the temple." "Well, that's kind of strange." Vishnujana is surprised to hear this. Yeah. Their idea was that Prabhupada's stay would be more peaceful. I thought it was unusual, but it did give Srila Prabhupada a chance to have a relaxing visit. "Anyway, one evening Prabhupada asked me to prepare puris and sabji. While I was cooking, I realized I didn't have any milk sweets to put on his plate. There was no deity worship at the temple, so I couldn't get maha for him. I had no time to prepare any sandesh since our arrival the previous day. So I brought the puris, sabji and hot milk into Srila Prabhupada's room, placed them on his table and offered obeisances. Siddha Swarupa and Tusta Krishna were speaking with Srila Prabhupada and he allowed them to remain while he took prasadam." "Wow. That's not typical," Vishnujana Swami exclaims. "I know. It was a great benediction. Prabhupada usually honors prasadam in private. So I left the room and went back to the kitchen to roll and fry a few more puris. I rushed back with two fresh puris, and Srila Prabhupada looked at me inquisitively, 'There is no sweet?' 'No, Prabhupada, I don't have any made yet.' 'Oh, all right. Bring me some sugar,' he said mercifully, realizing the situation. " I went back to the kitchen, filled a bowl with white sugar and returned, placing the bowl on his plate. He took a puri, stuffed it into the bowl of sugar and took a bite. He did this a few times. You could hear the crunching sounds as he enthusiastically chewed. He stopped for a moment and chanted, luci cini sarpuri laddu rasabali. [Bhaktivinoda Thakur's Bhoga Arati song cites puris and sugar] Then he said, 'This is a good combination. It is very tasty.' "As he ate, the two sannyasis watched in amazement. Neither of them ate anything that contained even a trace of sugar, what to speak of eating the horrid substance in its 'impure' form. This was another of Prabhupada's wondrous qualities. He always knew exactly how to surprise and unsettle his disciples, giving them the opportunity to understand his most transcendental position." Suddenly, a brahmacari comes to announce that there's a phone call for Vishnujana Swami. The call is an invitation for Maharaja to come to San Diego for the temple's first Nrsimhadeva festival. They will pay his ticket and fly him in from Los Angeles.