Excuse me, Srila Prabhupada?

Kalpalatika : It was 1974, July, and I had traveled by traveling sankirtan from Dallas to Washington, D.C. to get my brahmin initiation from Srila Prabhupada. The system was that you went up to his quarters and Srila Prabhupada personally gave you the gayatri mantra. I was very excited that I was going to finally be alone with my spiritual master. I had tried to think of a deep, philosophical question that I could ask him. I don’t know how deep it was but when it was my turn to go in, I saw Srila Prabhupada sitting on a cushion behind a low table. He was so effulgent and beautiful and I just felt so much awe that I became very nervous. I paid my obeisances, put the guru-dakshin and the flowers on his table, and then I stood up. Srila Prabhupada was looking at me right in the eyes, and like with so many different devotees, you had the sense that he was just looking right into your heart, seeing all the dirt that’s there and just everything about your soul. Then Srila Prabhupada asked me a question but I couldn’t understand what he said. I said, “Excuse me, Srila Prabhupada?” He said the question again and I still couldn’t understand him. I had never had trouble understanding Srila Prabhupada before, but the one time I’m alone with him I can’t understand what he’s saying. I had to ask him a third time, “Srila Prabhupada, I’m sorry, I just don’t understand what you’re saying.” Finally I understood that he was just asking, “Are there any more people out there waiting to be initiated?” I said, “No, Srila Prabhupada.”

At this point I wasn’t going to ask him any deep, philosophical questions. Then he asked me to come and sit right beside him which I did. I was feeling overwhelmed to be sitting right next to the Jagat Guru, my spiritual master. He said to me, “So you know how to do this?” and he moved his fingers like you do for gayatri mantra. I said, “Oh yes, Srila Prabhupada,” but then when I tried to do it, I couldn’t because I was too overwhelmed. So he took his hand and moved my fingers for me, which was really so kind. My realization was that even though I was acting like such a fool in front of my spiritual master, he was never impatient or angry or disturbed or disgusted. He was just kind and compassionate whereby I truly felt how Srila Prabhupada had unconditional love for me.